Thursday, March 19, 2009

March Madness

Today marks the beginning of march madness, and also the first in a series of what I will be calling "Food Madness". This post will address the anger I feel towards a certain food. i would like to thank FUPenguin for the inspiration. Today will focus on the macademia nut.

Hey macademia nut, everyone touts you as the greatest nut that ever lived. I would have to say you are my 21st favorite nut. Really, I would rather eat a Brazil nut than you. You think that because you come from one of the most beautiful places in the world that you are the most beautiful nut in the world. Well you're wrong! Your flavor isn't anything special, and in terms of crunch factor, news flash all nuts are crunchy!

And besides your flavor, your shape is ridiculous, you look like a freaking garbanzo bean. Why don't you get together with some garlic and go make some hummus instead of taunting me. Seriously you think I want to pay $10 for a teeny tiny can. I could be eating four times as many peanuts for that price! No one wants to pay bonuses to AIG's executives for doing a crappy job, and we shouldn't be charged a premium for an underachieving nut masquerading as a king.


Malia said...

You are ridiculous and I love it!

Raisin Canes said...

You should really give a shout-out to fuck you penguin

Ariel said...

Duly noted.

Anonymous said...

Sacrilege! Mon Dieu! You can not be serious! A brazil nut over a macadamia nut. You have only been in California a short while, but I am starting to worry about you.

Mother Knows Best

How To Eat A Cupcake said...

Hahaha brazil nuts are SO gross! I think I'd have to put the macadamia nut before the brazil nut... sorry! :D